Just Sharing

Sometimes I don't have anyone else to tell.

I was watching an episode of Law and Order and they mentioned the name of a fictional bar called "Jangle's" and I misheard it as "genitals". Probably, to certain therapists, that means something, but, besides all of that, well, it's a pretty fucking great name for a bar. You heard it here first.

"I'm thirsty, let's head to Genitals!". If you want this idea, you can have it (send me cash!). You could also go for "Jenny Tall's". Probably more likely to get past the red tape, that name.

In other mildly amusing ideas.

I once decided upon the following as the best band name ever while living in New York:

Prince Playing Purple Rain In Its Entirety In A Warehouse In Bushwick


Two guys run into each other on the street.

Dude 1: 
Hey. What's up.

Dude 2:
Not much. Chillin'. You know of anything cool going on tonight?

Dude 1:
Yeah. I'm going to go see a show with my friends.

Dude 2:
Who's playing?

Dude 1:
I'm gonna go see Prince Playing Purple Rain In Its Entirely In A Warehouse In Bushwick.

Dude 2:
Holy shit, that sounds fucking amazing. Prince! Is the Revolution going to be there too? I've never seen him live. "I Would Die 4 U" is one of the best songs of all time.

Dude 1:
Great fucking song, yeah. But, no. It's not actually Prince playing.

Dude 2:

Dude 1:
No, see, Prince Playing Purple Rain In Its Entirety In A Warehouse In Bushwick is the name of the band.

Dude 2:
So it's not Prince?

Dude 1:
No. It's this dude Aaron playing kazoo through a wah-wah pedal along to famous presidential addresses in front of a TV playing octogenarian porn.

Dude 2:
Hmm. Sounds intense. Does he do Prince covers too?

Dude 1:

Dude 2:
Uh. Have fun?

Dude 1:
Yeah. Thanks.

Dude 2:
See you around.

Dude 1:

I guess now that Prince is dead, my new band will be called A Reunited Talk Talk Playing Laughing Stock In Its Entirety For The First Time Ever At A House Party In Bed-Stuy. I hope I didn't just jinx Mark Hollis.

I'm not that much of a narcissistic asshole. I just sometimes feel like I don't particularly matter to anyone and wonder what I'm doing wrong. More than total release, I'm looking for total connection.

I do love all of you who have had the patience to continue reading my writing as I have bottomed out as a human being. I know that sounds melodramatic, but the scariest thing about my life over the past few years is that I can't remember any of it. Nothing has touched me. I guess I'm a permanent malcontent, and can't even really, to a certain extent, trust my perceptions of the present and the past and the future, but, fuck, there were, at least, at certain times, people to hug, and, to my credit, for what it's worth, I really do miss, unselfishly, the possibility of affecting the lives of others in a positive manner. I know I can be that person again. I just don't see the way forward right now. Hence the self-obsession. Or maybe it's the other way around. We'll see.

I feel like a gear spinning freely.

And this over-obsession with age is, well, it's a lot of things, but part of it is that I really had figured that I would know better by now. Sure, it could be capitalism circa 2016, it could be the decisions I've made, it could be that I'm somehow too in love with new experiences to ever commit to anything, but I never knew that adulthood could be as drifting as this, that everything I've done and experienced until now would not necessarily move me towards anything more certain, more stable. I guess, welcome to life, huh? But maybe it's just me? There must be more to it than managing contingency? Certainly, I look at other people and it seems to be that way.


New and good:

Older and good and pertinent:


Mark Hollis responds: said...

It's a shaaame!

davidly said...

I feel much this way and now wonder how I might have expressed it had there been an on-line when I was your age. Maybe there was an on-line when I was your age. Anyway, I know what at least some somebody would tell (have told) me: "Oh, but you do make a difference in the lives of others!" which I mock here, at least ironically. But it's probably true. Also in your case.

:-p said...

LOL I should have posted "Such A Shame" too. I has thought of it earlier in the night but had forgotten. Great song, lyrically appropriate in the present context too - "such a shame to believe in escape, a laugh on every face".

@davidly: thanks. I'm sure you matter, I'm sure I matter. I'm sorry you're experiencing any of the frustrations I have mentioned.

I'm sort of bummed I'm writing about this stuff and not music or the presidential election. I'm at an impasse that will pass. I hope for you too.

I'm going to try and get back to the golden rule. If I want hugs, literal or metaphorical, I'm going to have to start giving them out.