(sorry to my regular readers - more existential angst)
Have I written this about Providence? A summary:
I feel abstracted from any and every context that could give my life meaning or purpose.
And people here, or at least the ones I talk to, settle. I don't mean in the pejorative sense. Just. They say "ok", and they are not necessarily wrong. But I can't yet. I know why others do. I have high(er) expectations for myself. But why? And do those expectations mean anything? That's why I am so confused (funny to think that relativism has its origins in the Left).
Because now when I combine: I feel abstracted from any and every context that could give my life meaning or purpose and I have high expectations for myself. You see it now? All my actions, when I act, are based purely on faith. A faith that may never be rewarded.
I am working on my first serious DJ mix in years. The audience for this mix, the idea that it could mean anything, or affect others in any way, however small, all faith and imagination. I could bake cookies instead, but my oven is broken.