Reasons for being depressed

It's actually all pretty simple... life, even...

1. Life is actually pretty beautiful, and it really hurts to know that it will not last forever, and that each day, spent appeasing so many others, may be a day wasted. There is a lake, on top of the mountain, which has taken hours to climb, that is refreshing. God becomes necessary to explain the profound privilege of the soothing water.

2. The profound beauty is something that so many are willing to deny to so many others! What bullshit! The differences between political parties can be explained by who wants to deny this privilege to whom, and for what reason. That's it! That's pathetic! To be a Leftist, for all of the critique, for all of the vituperation, for all of the anger, for all of the frustration, is to actually believe, at the end of the day, that everyone should be able to climb the mountain and take their swim in the cool waters. The political mainstream is just a bunch of people arguing about who should be denied this possibility. Can you really pick a side?

It is true, I have had a few beers. But I don't get obnoxious when I am drunk, just inarticulate. There is more!



I truly am glad you still care

I am still getting page views here even though I haven't posted in a while. The transition has taken a lot of time, and my computer is broken, compelling me to log in sporadically. Thank you for your patience.

Providence is weird. It has been years since I have felt as valued as I do now. Even after only a month of part-time work at my current job, the level of appreciation of my effort is incredibly high. I get paid more now to do things I enjoy doing with people I enjoy working with than I did to do things I didn't like doing with and for people I mostly disliked.

Yet I still feel the pull... It's a small town... I already know half the people in my neighborhood... the dance music scene is small, if it exists at all...

I can't seem to help dreaming big... all the expanse... the space... the intensity... that was promised to me... by techno... by grand-view social theory and critique... by late-night foreign films... I dunno... I will be here another year... and then either I stay or... London... Berlin... Fuck... This sucks or doesn't... The tyranny of wanting everything versus the tyranny of wanting nothing... and the bars close damn early here...