And please quote me on that.
Because I am right.
I don't have any tattoos or a trendy haircut or anything.
I wish I could actually fit in, figure it all out.
Because I was born alienated. It's not an affectation.
There's a million prospective accountants running away from their fate and I am jealous.
Here I am, thirty-five years old, intelligent, no career prospects, no romantic prospects, no home-ownership prospects, no nothing-prospects, and instead of going to bed early, trying to do something, trying to be something, I am obsessing.
I had superlative SAT scores, a year's worth of AP college credits, time at CTY, everything, and yet, here I am, resume-less, degree-less, career-less, future-less, everything-less, trying to figure out why the chord change that occurs at around 1:35 in this track is a thousand levels above my intelligence.
And all I want is for you to be, just for a moment, obsessed too. I am alright with being alone, but not alright with being unique. I hope you get it, even in your solitude, a solitude that I hope is not as permanent as mine.
2 comments:
here's a story of a man whose life was transformed by neurotechnology
http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2016/04/what-its-like-to-wake-up-from-autism-after-magnetic-stimulation.html
it's not completely clear that he's better off now
here's the so-called 'prayer of st francis' with the god talk removed - i think it improves it, to tell you the truth - the secret you seek is in there somewhere, i think - i could be wrong, though
My goal is to be an instrument of peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.
I seek not so much to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in letting go of a smaller self that we are able to recognize our wider identity.
may the Creative Forces of the Universe smile in your general direction
Thank You.
I'm certainly not happy with being this self-obsessed.
"I seek not so much to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love."
I'll try and focus on this more.
Have you seen Rossellini's film Flowers Of St. Francis? It's really beautiful, you should check it out if you haven't.
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